Sunday, September 14, 2014

Being Discouraged

                I know the name of this post sounds a little cliché, and I haven't posted in a long time but I have been going through so much emotionally. That's exactly why I decided to write about it. Before I go into detail I want to make a few things known. I am writing this from a sensitive place in my heart. I hope it can help someone who can relate. It's easy to judge, but try to understand.

               I have always had people around me that thought I was a beautiful girl. I've always known that I had a few callings. Singing has always been something I saw myself doing for the rest of my life among other things. As a child there was no confidence in my appearance. I use to get picked on for being dark skinned, not skinny enough and for being the tallest girl in the class. Got called names like blacky, dinosaur and wasn't allowed to play with certain girls because of my looks. Getting treated so bad in school for the way I looked and going home to hear family tell me how beautiful I was just didn't make much sense to me. As I got older I started to feel like MAYBE there was a chance I was beautiful, second guessing myself. In the back of my mind I never thought I was good enough or pretty enough. You would never be able to tell that I was dealing with all of these emotions. The fact I had no confidence in my beauty, started to slowly rub off to my confidence in my talents. To add to these feelings, I was having disappointment after disappointment with my career from the time it started. Added to everything I have went through a few personality/name changes just to try to make myself believe I was worth something. I know now I really am.

          Long story short I recently realized that if I didn't face these feelings, I would be continuing to hold myself back from reaching ANY of my dreams. I was making any excuse to avoid dealing with my emotions. I have promised myself that I would deal with everything and continue on until I reach my goals in my life. No matter how tired I get or how discouraged I get, I won't give up on myself. I'm starting all over again and not letting my past determine my future. I'm realizing another key thing in my life as well, closed mouths don't get fed. I can't let my pride get in the way. I have talent and I'm not letting my pride stop me.

Live, Love, Laugh!♥

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